See, most of the time when you feel down and out, you always wish there was that one person of whom you'd have a speed dial on your phone and that at the dial of their number, they'd be at your doorstep, right?
Well, just when you think that there isn't anybody, you might be overlooking your little boy or girl at home. The only little soul from whom you hear "I love you mommy/daddy", and you know they mean it with no hidden agendas or vendettas and it melts every bit of your heart...
There are so many times that I've had my own personal insecurities thrown at my face by a bad boyfriend and other people I thought cared about me. It's such times that you may feel less of a person; WORTHY of ANYBODY's time. And yes, that's the time that watching "Toy Story 3" with your little angel sleepily at home on a Saturday evening with a huge bowl of creamy popcorn, is enough to make you have the strength to face a taffy (a tough challenge you're going through in your life) head on.
I remember a time when I looked at my little girl, Apple, with smiley tears, amidst crises and not being able to provide for her. I wasn't earning a dime as a Radio Presenter, and my baby-daddy had just walked out on us 'cause I declined his marriage proposal. Now that, ladies and gents, was a taffy!!!
I searched for answers, asked myself, "why me...?" till I didn't have anymore questions left in my head to ask. I wondered how a sane man that once adored the ground I walked on could turn his back on me and our little angel (well, of course he's got his side of the story... he's a guy!).
But something happened. Something changed!
I started counting my blessings. I stopped asking myself, "why me...?" and started telling myself, "fine, somebody'd gotta provide for this sweet little earthly angel; God's own personal gift to me and it's gonna be ME!!!!"
So I picked myself up and took a day at a time. Never wanted to rush my blessings and so I stopped complaining, stopped blaming people who had nothing to do with what was happening to me, stopped thinking that they didn't understand and most importantly; found it in my heart to forgive and FORGET my baby-daddy.
And when I say FORGET, I mean it (literally)!
I was only a freshman student at the university, and didn't have the vaguest idea of how or what I was expected to do in bringing up my baby. All I knew was that I DIDN'T WANT MY BABY TO BE A NEEDY BABY, EVER! Being a single mom far far away from home with no family around to cry to, and being a student as well as building a career has NEVER been smooth sailing. But I've done more than half of the journey. It's Destination Success on my mind right now.
Many are the times that I went hungry for days 'cause I was saving the little food we had in the fridge for little Apple.
Oh my angel :)! Can't even think about you every minute without either a smile or a tear drop or even both...
An Angel... that's what you are boo boo :)!
OK, as I was saying, my little girl helped me heal at that point in my life when I hadn't even a family member to call to drop by to help me out. Most people have asked me how I did and still do it, and most times I just giggle and say, "It's the God in my little Apple!"
My point in all of this is that; you NEED to have a certain somebody or rather something to fall back to even if they don't understand half of the grown-up things you talk to them about (for the somebody part), so you can always let it all out. Problem with my "somebody" is that I couldn't and still can't allow myself to break-down in her presence or even be sad 'cause that's not the side of me I ever want her to remember when she grows up!
Remember, it's called a BREAK-UP not a BREAK-DOWN; so whatever you do after it happens, you gotta realize that LIFE MUST GO ON and you owe your wellness to those who love and care about you like your parents, siblings and even little angels.
So grab your bums, get off the "sulking-couch" and face life. Someone worth your golden heart's out there and they ain't gonna walk up to your doorstep looking for you (as that only happens in the Movies); you gotta go out there and expose yourself in all the right ways.
That could be your road to the healing land.
But remember, YOU MUST HAVE THE DESIRE TO HEAL!
Till my next post, sending love...
Good luck!
Xo Xo,
Vee.
